Can't Touch This

1/4/07
Do you ever wish you had a theme song? Not the ones when the band follows you around playing it like in I’m Gonna Get You Sucka (great flick, by the way), but the kind you hear in a wonderful movie that fits the moment just perfectly…and a tear—or two—might trickle down your cheek….maybe?

Even if the thought hasn’t crossed your mind (which, let’s face it, if we’re all honest, I’m sure it probably has crossed most of your minds once or twice in…well….the last week or two?) could there be a song that fits a certain time in your life? A song that when you’re flying on a plane and looking out the small window into the skyline as you’re about to land and you see the most perfect pink clouds you think you could ever see (outside of a small plane window) might accompany the moment nicely?

Or a song for that moment when you’re walking down the street and you are finally getting a few moments to yourself: no significant other, no kids, no chatty friends, no family members or work colleagues…just you and the outside bustle…isn’t there a song that could easily float through your head to help you skip along to that wonderful beat in your feet?

What a bout a song for when you’re sitting on your favorite couch or chair in the late afternoon or evening and you’re pondering the day’s or week’s events. You’re just sitting there, not wanting to move, exhausted, overworked, underpaid, wanting something more or just wanting some freaking sleep and that song serendipitously plays. You sit and you stare. You think to yourself: This song was written for me right now. This moment. This is MY song.

Okay, so maybe that doesn’t happen to those of you who aren’t music people (who aren’t music people? I don’t think I’m friends with those people). But it’s been happening to me these past three or four weeks over my break. I’ve had so many damned songs that were “written for me” that I think everyone has been reading my emails that I’ve been sending you all and they’ve all released songs to fit my different life themes. Well…I mean…because…it IS all about…..me…..right? I…..mean…..am I wrong here?

As I was on my flight back from Chicago and we were landing yesterday, Dido was playing in my ears (not imagined…on the ipod) and I glanced out my teeny tiny window and saw that pink hew and knew that someone needed to be at home with me because that’s what she was singing in my head. I couldn’t really figure out who had wronged me at that moment and needed to be back with me so I could sleep because that’s what she was claiming, but I knew it had to be for me…about me….somehow…didn’t it?

As I searched iTunes relentlessly at midnight last night, I heard Depeche Mode telling me to find my own personal Jesus and, well, I ignored him, but I loved listening to him sing to ME. KT Tunstall has been one who could have been me lately, too. I’m actually listening to her as I write this to you now. Not only has her Cherry Tree and Black Horse had an impact on my spirit, but all of her other smashing, sometimes-down-sometimes-perky hits. She’s good. Oh yes, she’s good. When I listen to all of these people belt out my life story, no matter whether it comes from the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, or today (no way I’m saying the 90s because that music sucked), I understand writing on a whole new level. The people who write the lyrics that make me think they’re writing my life down on paper are in reality, probably writing their own lives down. They too have been wronged, cheated on, left, loved, happy, nostalgic, lost, sad, romantic, sexy, imperfect, perfect, stalked, bored, elated, and alone…all in one freaking week! Just like me….



On a different note:
While I was in Chicago, I had the weirdest thing happen since I’ve started my PhD program. I was at a friend of a friend’s house and I met this very odd couple. (Someone should write a story about that…an odd couple…I bet that’d be funny…) The guy was very tall and had eyeballs that didn’t seem to blink. He was kind of goofy acting and, well, didn’t blink, just kind of leaned down and in my face—without blinking while he talked—and asked lots of questions. His date was normal looking, but a bit stuffy acting. They asked me what I did and I responded with my normal statement: “I’m in college.” They smiled at one another in an, “Oh, how cute that is that she’s thirty something and still in school” look, and then I replied to the girl, “So, girl, what do you do?” (I didn’t call her girl. I’m using that name for the purpose of this re-telling…jeez) Where she promptly tilted her dark curly head back with a smirk and replied, “Oh, well, I’m afraid I’m going to be a lifetime student. I’m working on my PhD.”

“Oh,” I said excitedly, “I am too! That’s why I’m in college. I’m working on my PhD in education at University of Georgia! What are you studying?” (Imagine how nerdy and excited I am here when I respond with this last line. I mean, I’m now smitten with this new friend and my excitement is a bit overdone.)

Her smug look quickly disappears and she says, “Oh, well. I actually have my masters in art. From University of Chicago. I teach undergraduate courses, you see. I hope to work on my PhD some day.” HUH? What? HUH? You mean you’re standing in front of someone whom you shouldn’t give a shit about and whom you’ve known for five minutes and you’ve just LIED about what you do in your life? HUH? What? At that moment, that recent song entitled CRAZY pops into my head. You know that one that they play all the time now? Not Patsy Cline—that new dude. Anyway, I smiled and turned to eat my shrimp cocktail and stare at the Christmas décor on the floor. I want to pull my grocery cart moves out and “Can’t Touch This” out the door, but I keep my composure and tell myself that everyone has reasons for what they say and do. (Ok, no I didn’t. I thought, WHAT A FREAKING LOSER! and continued to giggle to myself the rest of the night.)

So as I begin my second semester in my REAL PhD program, I sit here and think of all of the amazing people in my life. I have loved ones in Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Massachusetts, Michigan, New Mexico, Arizona, North Carolina and I’m sure a few other places that I can’t remember the guys’ names (just kiddin’ daddy) and I think about how you all have songs that go with you, to me. They all match you with me. It’s nice. It’s comforting to me here in Athens, GA while I’m tackling big things in my life by myself. Being able to write to you these past months has given me the mental support that I’ve needed because it’s my way to keep my spirits high and let you know that I think of you often and miss you. Well, not really you, Duncan, but I have to include you so you won’t respond with some dumb comment. Thanks for reading, and you’ll be reading from me soon, I’m sure, as I plunge forward in to semester two, year one. And for those of you who don’t really read these and say, “Jesus, these are too long. I’ll just read it later.” and never do. Well… Just keep doing that and I’ll keep sending them. You know what “delete” looks like, jerk. Just hit the damned key!

Love, love, love,
HEH