I know things are different in my life when on a Friday night, we decide to go to a movie at 9:45PM because one of the girls who I'm meeting needs to do some interviews for her dissertation, as opposed to me waiting to go out at 9:45 because the band down in Edwards doesn't start till 10:30 or so. I also know things to be different when I can't even stay awake in a late movie any longer, due to my "late nights" of 10:30ish, so I can finish up that last article I am re-writing for the seventh time or reading, highlighting, and annotating that last one hundred pages for that class sometime next week.
I know things are different in my life when it's mid-November, the leaves are just starting to change, and one or two nights it's been in the low 40s; when I am wearing a long-sleeve T-shirt in the morning and I have switched to shorts by the afternoon, and the only jacket I have out (because I didn't get rid of any of the thirty that I owned) is the light weight thin leather jacket that blocks some of the high winds rushing through campus chasing me as I'm hiking to my building from my parking area. Whereas I used to be pulling out my skis right about now (not to use them until December, of course...but I still pulled them out) and I was already wearing my down coat and wool sweaters. By now I had probably had strapped on the snow shoes a few times, or at least hiked up the trail dodging the frozen mud mixed with snow.
Things are different when I think about how many "favorite TV shows" I now have during the week, forcing me to rush home after a three hour class so I can set up my work station and watch religiously for two hours before I go to bed, working on those relationships that I am building with some of the characters on those shows. As I review my Sunday night (Brothers and Sisters), Monday night (Studio 60 and sometimes The Bachelor--if I'm in the mood for cheesy drama), Tuesday night (House), Wednesday night (I take this night off, usually), and Thursday night (Grey's), I often think back to a single time when I might watch ten minutes of TV in CO, but that was only while I was getting ready for school in the morning. A time when my TV was really just a part of my living room decor, and my awareness of shows was little or none.
I know this life is different from the last when the thought of dating someone in CO was a hope that would inspire me to meet as many people as I could whenever I could. A hope for a future with someone who would take me to expensive sushi dinners, wine and dine me in the beautiful Swiss village at five star restaurants, and take me skiing for,,, two hours on a Sunday afternoon. Today, the thought of having to give up one hour of my time to spend with someone else turns the anxious nerves in my stomach, because then I would actually have to switch the focus from my studies to engage in some sort of dialog that had to do with "how I was feeling," "how my day was," or "what I wanted to do to spend some time together this weekend." I can't imagine having to give up that kind of time....
And to add to that---I KNOW my life is different when I used have such a specific "list" that I was trying to check off for the man of my dreams, and a man whom I recently met in CA re-writes or adds to that list for me every time I talk to him on the phone.
Yes, I met a nice young man (well, not too young--I'm over that phase, I think--so this one's my age) while I was running that half marathon in CA three or four weeks ago and he's coming to visit me next week right here in Athens, GA. Mind you, I will be on break, so I won't have to give up my study time to spend time with this gentle soul. Yes, yes, my life is different...
When my days are filled with switching my research topic from advocates for young adolescents to studying "whiteness" and how white teachers view their non-white students, as opposed to trying to figure out what time we will meet to snow shoe after school or we're deciding whether to eat at the Brewery or Mustangs because we're so tired of eating at both all week long, I see that my life is different. When I go to dinner with people in my department and we discuss the history of race in the South for three hours over salads and iced tea/wine, I am reminded that my life is different than it was just six short months ago.
And when the words that I used to email to you with (epistemology, ontology, post-modern-structuralist feminism or hermeneutics) lamenting the hardships of trying to sift through tough texts now seem like middle school adventure books to me, you KNOW my life is different.
Some things that I can see the capital "T" truths in before entering my second semester of my doctoral program:
1) Why most people don't stay married while working on their PhD
2) Why some people either quit their PhD programs or never finish their dissertations
3) Why some people want to move to other countries after studying and learning the history of ours in relation to education and the future goals of America
But I am not those people, my loved ones. I am in the small percentage of those who absolutely love every day of every lesson; every minute of every reading; every part of every re-writing, and I am serious when I say this. I have just had news of two articles that were accepted in two different journals (well, a journal and a book), and I am just about to send off a third to another journal (after I work on my ffifth draft to appease my professor). I am about to turn in my first research proposal to conduct a study next semester with some of my preservice teachers so I can come to a better understanding of the future of white teachers with non-white students in their classrooms. It's some pretty cool stuff, I have to say. And I can see why those of you who live in this academic world want to stay--it's not for the money, and it's not for the clout---I can see that it's for the learning, for that feeling of contribution. Pretty darned cool. More to come in the near future, so stay tuned...
Oh, and have I gone to church here yet? Sure I have. You betcha...
Have a great Turkey Day, everyone. Love to you all, HEH
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